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Part Three - A Suprising Turnaround

I tried to busy myself and continue moving forward. I just wanted to keep my positive momentum going. I was determined to read books that made me happy, dust off my old classic albums that only I enjoyed and just take some alone time to sort things out. Well, guess what? My husband called me out of the blue. He sounded a bit perplexed at to what had changed. Weirder still, he sounded almost concerned and then confused. Almost as though he were worried about, or at least trying to figure out, my sudden silence.

I explained that I'd taken some time back home and was just trying to improve and enjoy myself during what could be a difficult time. I mentioned the stack of albums I'd dusted off and that I was meeting up with old friends of ours who were coming up next week, and how good it had been to see them. There was dead silence on the other end of the phone. Then, a colder tone replaced the earlier one and my husband (or ex, I should say) excused himself.

I wasn't sure what to make of this. He didn't like when I pursued him, but now he didn't seem to like that I wasn't. I grabbed the book -( Amy Waterman's Save My Marriage Today) to see if I was doing something wrong, but according to it I was sort of on the right track, although my method and my tone were not as lighthearted, matter of fact, or open as the book said I should be. I remembered the road map and figured I should maybe take a look at exactly what I should be doing. I read it again several times and put the plan in the back of my mind. I also got my hands on another book called "The Magic Of Making Up," which is all about coming up with make up strategies when your partner is resistant or the break up has already happened. It sort of teaches you how to turn the tables, get on "their side" as part of strategy and even the playing field. I was stunned to see that my trip / indifference was actually right on. It was dumb luck, but according to the author, I was right on track and this is what would be called my "opening move."

But, (probably incorrectly) I decided that I was tired of playing games and told myself I'd put this whole thing off til after the visit with my friends. I'd decide then what I wanted to do. I just couldn't deal with it earlier than that. Next up, Part Four (The Pursuer Becomes Pursued) Here. (Affiliate Disclosure)

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Saving Your Marriage In Three Steps

1. Use your partner's verbal and non verbal cues / clues to determine what EXACTLY is the cause of the break up / divorce. What does your partner want / need that they aren't getting and how can you provide it in a way that won't be too obvious or drive them further away?

2. Pick your poison, so to speak. Chose a method to meet both you and your partner's needs. This make take some careful planning. You do not want to come from a position of weakness or desperation. But, if your partner is non receptive, there are obstacles to overcome. There are two good books for this. Amy Waterman's Save My Marriage (popular with women) and T. Jackson's The Magic Of Making Up (popular with men and women who want to understand men). He has an excellent free video on the first step toward saving your marriage, a must see. (affiliate disclosures)

3. Keep creating / participating in situations that allow you to improve the relationship by meeting both of your needs. Show your spouse the person they fell in love with. Keep repeating this process until your relationship is where you want it. (Be careful that none of this reads as fake or insincere and don't overdo it to drive your spouse further away.)